- Caroline’s Endo Story
Ever since my first period I’ve experienced lower stomach pain and heavy bleeding. So my gynecologist prescribed me the pill very early on. Even though I was on birth control for almost 10 years I still had awful period pain. Due to the heavy bleeding and everything that came with it (fatigue, pain, etc.), I was missing a lot of school and workdays. When I was 23 I decided to get a chopper IUD. After a year of trying very hard to make the IDU work I had it removed because the pain was just too bad. I thought the pain then would just magically fade but it didn’t. And nobody could really tell me why. Most people thought I was a drama girl, that I was only making things up to get attention or that I was just plain lazy.
The first surgery
The pain sometimes was so bad I literally had to crawl to the ER. But they never found anything. Eventually even the people closest to me stopped believing that my pain was actually real and thought I had gone a little mad. Finally though, my pain had gotten to a whole new level and I decided to get a second opinion. This new gynecologist then discovered that I had a 6 cm cyst on my left ovary. I had a laparoscopy right away. They removed the cyst and told me that it wasn’t just a normal cyst but an endometriosis cyst. (Endometriosis cysts are filled with dark blood and they don’t usually grow smaller all by themselves). I did a lot of research on the matter, while simultaneously living in denial, thinking if I ate healthily enough, meditated long enough etc. I would make this disease go away. Basically I was a bit cocky, thinking I was smarter than everyone else. At that point I could not really accept that this disease was now part of me.
THE SECOND SURGERY & “The-poisoned-knife-Pain”
Past forward another year it didn’t go away! And yet again, the lower stomach pain took an unwanted guest role in Caroline’s daily shit show- It’s quite hard for me to describe what the pain really feels like. I know, some describe it as a cactus. In my opinion that isn’t even close to doing it justice. To me it feels like being stabbed in my ovaries, uterus and intestines over and over again with a knife that’s been soaked in poison. With every stab the poison spreads. You’ll start panicking and come to a point where you are unable to move, lying curled up and in tears on the floor until you eventually get unconscious (which is good in a way because then at least the pain subsides). – One night in fall 2018 I just couldn’t take the pain anymore. My cyst was now as big as a grapefruit. Surprise! I had another surgery. They successfully removed the cyst and cut out all the other endometriosis lining that was all over my female organs and my intestines. They discovered that aside from endometriosis I also have adenomyosis. I stayed in the hospital for 4 nights and felt like everyone took good care of me there.
Right now I’m still recovering. BUT I’m very grateful that everything went so well and that finally I found I clinic that has actually helped me to get better. I can now accept that I have this disease but that doesn’t mean I can’t live a long and happy life. I want to focus on all the positive things. Something this chronic disease has taught me, is that I don’t want to spend another moment doing something that deep down I don’t want to be doing. Obviously I can’t change the fact that I have this disease but I asked myself what kind of steps I could take to still have a good life. Consequently, I started using my energy more wisely. I called this my “no-bullshit-zone” because I realized I don’t want to waste my time on “bullshit” anymore, like all the “shoulds”, gossip, mindless stuff,.. Of course there’s ups and downs. I’m still not 100% pain-free. But I’m feeling much better than I have felt the last 6 years.
In a nutshell, I think I could fill 1000 pages and more on that topic. Maybe one day I will… But for now I’m trying to keep it brief. Above I merely wanted to give a summary of all the past events. Moreover, I am by no means a physician or gynecologist and I feel like endometriosis manifests itself very individually in different bodies. In fact, it’s also considered to be the chameleon of gynecology. I am no poster kid! I am neither an advocate for, nor against the pill. I won’t be telling anyone that my way of doing things is the only way to go. I won’t be selling you magnesium tablets for $500 and pretend it’s a secret cure for endo (Yes! If you hadn’t know by now, there’s actually plenty of “health” websites out there tricking helpless people into buying their shit and call it caviar). I won’t be telling you that you should fall pregnant or drink green smoothies every morning (shout out to all the coffee lovers out there). YOU DO YOU! Yet I am firm believer that a positive mindset is key! Practice gratitude and you’ll know the difference… If you have any general questions, though, please check my FAQs or send an email my way at firstname.lastname@example.org