Endo Update & Life Update
Where do I even start? Things are finally falling into place. And I recalled a scene from 2 years ago when my endo was very severe and they had put me on antibiotics (WTF?!). Anyway, during that time I repeated the affirmation "my healing is already in progress" daily. I stopped doing that at some point because I couldn't really a see a progress back then. But now I can finally see the bigger picture, realizing that my healing really was in progress. OK, sometimes I took some detours only to come back to now. I do sometimes still get endo flares but it's really manageable pain because I got very body-conscious and know how to react when something’s wrong. A couple of months ago I would have just ignored the pain and kept going with whatever I was doing which only made symptoms worse in my case. I had to learn that it's OK to articulate that I'm feeling sick. If people don't understand I guess I'm better off without them in the first place.
So what changed? Three weeks ago I went to an endo clinic. And I was really hoping that they would have another treatment than surgery. Turns out they didn't. They found that my endo cyst got a tiny bit smaller though. They now measured 6 cm compared to 8 cm in March (see picture). They recommended another more extensive surgery (this time they also want to look at my intestines) and gave me some new medication. With the other medication I had taken before I was bleeding blood clots everyday for 3 months straight which they told me wasn't so healthy at all. Additionally, my left arm, hand and fingers were sometimes going numb and I had terrible headaches on a daily basis as well as swollen thighs. But hey, when your thighs touch you're one step closer to becoming a mermaid - at least that'e what I told myself. After changing my medication though all the symptoms went away almost overnight. I am overall feeling much better and less moody. I'm still experiencing some hair-loss, hot flashes and I am crazy tired all the time but I guess I will just give my body time to adjust to this new stuff.
What else is new? I recently watched this movie called "Endo What" which I highly recommend to anyone suffering from endo or knows someone who is suffering (you can what the movie here). I probably watched it 4 times already but it brought me to tears every single time. But at the same time it gave me hope! I loved that they were not only talking about western but also about eastern medicine and nutrition. In fact, I'm having another acupuncture session and a thai massage next week. I have also started to record a series of talks about endometriosis for you. The first episode will probably be live some time next week. Plus, I have started teaching small yoga classes and practicing inversions again (see picture handstand picture). I was actually impressed how "good" I am still doing after 4 months of doing zero core work because the doctors had told me so. I get that it's probably not the best thing to do when you suffer from severe endo but I am very intuitive and just know what's best for my body. Plus I don't want to miss out on all the fun stuff and restrict myself from being controlled by this disease. It probably looks like on here or my instagram that I only talk and think about endo 24/7/365 while actually I don't tend to talk about it as much in my daily life. It's not like I'm in denial though I see it more as self-prevention. I just don't want to give this disease as much space. I'm really doing fine now compared to the last two years so I don't want to exaggerate here. Things are not perfect but they could really be a lot worse (or had been worse before).
Other than my daily self-care, I'm going on a 7 day SPA vacation soon. And I cannot wait for it after spending most of my free time in bed this year. Now it's finally time to get pampered. This is not only going to beneficial for my outer appearance though, but also for my soul and overall well-being. As I have learned that most of the time my endo pain actually gets triggered by stress. And if I really get to have another surgery by the end of August (which I am still very reluctant about) I at least want to prepare and be as calm as possible. In fact, one of my July intentions is to have ZERO STRESS this month which is going to be very hard for me as I suffer from chronic adrenal fatigue as a side effect of living undiagnosed with endo for about 12 years. Other than that I am about to get ready to move again this summer. I'll finally be living on my own again and couldn't be more stoked about it.
Things are really good. Life is good! Summer is finally here. The sun is shining. The people around me are happy. I am happy. And my healing is already in progress and so is yours. Even if it takes a while, even if it's two years, 4 years, 10 years,.. I see you, I feel you and know that you are getting there.